“Your momma’s too thin; your daddy’s too fat…”

September 6, 2010


… Get over it”!  (really guys? That simple?)


Remember the Eagles song, by the same name?  It was about getting over whatever it was that one had to complain about.  Part of the lyrics were…

Complain about the present and blame it on the past, I’d like to find your inner child and kick its little ass.  Get over it”!

Not a ringing endorsement for self assessment and dealing with what lies beneath, now is it?   Nor was my upbringing in a tough, blue-collar neighbourhood.  Nor was coming from an ethnically-proud family whose heritage has a word that best translates, “shear, unrelenting fortitude”.  I have a family member who prides himself so much on this fortitude, he refuses dental freezing.  Nor were a hundred other small or large influences.

So with these biases, how could it come easily for me to as, “whats up with this Inner Child thing”?  It didn’t.  Until after years of recovery, sobriety, and personal growth, I did not have a good explanation why some parts of my internal dialogue have not yet quieted completely.  I still have a faint voice telling me negative things and constantly suggesting I think and analyze everything to an extreme.

Granted, it has quieted significantly and I have learned to dismiss its most preposterous directing.

This set of perspectives and explanations has really helped me find reprieve from the unrelenting internal dialogue that quietly seems to want to direct traffic in my life.

If you are tired of the constant internal dialogue, and are looking for some reprieve, you may find this as helpful as I do…







  1. Thanks Chaz. I have great respect for your willingness to broaden your outlook & use whatever tools work for you.

    We’re from Yugoslav / Hungarian stock – old world, 2 fisted, hard drinking… AND in my immediate fam – “Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war…”! Don’t show hurt, disappointment, anger, sadness, fear… or you’re not a good Christian. Dad was sick all my life but his motto was “…can’t complain…”!

    And speaking of ‘fortitude’ – what I’ve learned is that it takes ENORMOUS GUTS to do deep recovery work! (& those guys DON’T got it!)

    So much so, that I occasionally hand a very courageous client 2 glass marbles & say: “You have some balls”! lol

    • Amazing how we are directed to (selectively) apply fortitude and determination to putting on outward appearances of strength, while being shamed out of building real strength from within by effectively closing out wounds and unresolved pains of the past. I am not talking about wallowing, I am talking about dealing with it and moving on so it doesnt keep coming up and out… sideways.

      As a society, what has stuffing and mis-directed fortitude brought us? More depression, suicide, divorce, unplanned and un-cared for children, stress-related diseases, extreme behaviours, and addictions of all descriptions including but not limited to drugs, booze, body image, food, spending, entertainment, vanity, porn?

      Not a ringing endorsement for burying and stuffing everything from the past and simply “getting over it”. I think the writing is on the wall that we don’t.

      Thanks for your comments Donna.



      (btw… a few lyrics aside, I am a huge Eagles fan).

  2. Hi Chaz. Thanks so much for your thoughtful post.

    I certainly haven’t mastered my negative internal dialogue, but I did have one noteable success. I used to smoke. I’m sure you know the addiction cycle — justification, acting out, self-degradation, vow to do better. I stood back and observed myself smoking. I noticed I started the self-degradation about half way through the cigarette. In my mind, I began visualizing that voice coming from a cassette tape, and then I visualized myself taking the cassette out of the player to stop the voice. Interestingly, when I quit using smoking as a reason to beat myself up, I quit smoking, and it was just no big deal to do so.

    All the best to you.

    • Piper… similar to your visualization of the casette, I began to envision my internal dialogue as a committee of people arguing and trying to draw me in.

      One day, I envisioned myself saying to them, “fine, you guys sit here all day and argue, while the rest of us (body parts) are going to go _________” (whatever… go to AA meeting, gym, be with family, etc).

      It is so important to detatch from the noise playing in our heads. I believe it plays there largely out of simple and shear habit.

      Thanks for your reply.



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