Archive for June, 2010

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and the “Life Hands You Your Own Ass” Scholarship goes to…

June 30, 2010

I was at a Grad ceremony recently for a relative graduating from High School.  Our family was pleased and proud.  Our Grad won some awards.  It was exciting and precious.  We are so glad they have completed something and are off to a good start.

The graduation was from a middle-class suburban school that requires parental involvement and place high emphasis on academics, athletics, and social responsibility.  Parents sacrifice to get their kids into this school.  We are grateful. 

The procession of students was narrated by an MC who read the future plans for each grad.  At least 75% stated they wished to attend university and seek a highly trained profession such as medicine, law, business, law enforcement, science, engineering, humanitarian or arts endeavors.

There were numerous scholarships from various businesses, churches, organizations and individuals.  All were awarded based on criteria such as academic achievement, sports achievement, community service, leadership, friendship, and representation of the character of God.  Similarly some awards were for ambitious plans to notable universities and degrees.

I was impressed with the level of achievement so many of the kids aspired to work toward.  And of course, this would not be the time or place to state that some of the more painful and unexpected realities of life are likely to impact and challenge these wide-eyed grads as they set forth on their journeys into adult life.

I wondered to myself, would it not be fitting to offer the “Life Hands You Your Own Ass” Scholarship?  Which would consist of a deferred, rather than immediate, bursary to be presented to the first student to whom the bitter realities of life show up first.  The money could be applied to any of, but not limited to, the following:

  • Psychological counselling (for things such as divorce, parental divorce, assault (sexual or otherwise), unexpected pregnancy, suicide ideation, depression, mood disorders, etc.  Invariably, at least 25% will experience one or more of these within 10 years of grad).
  • Divorce legal fee fund.
  • Single parenthood expenses.
  • Legal defense fund for criminal activity including impaired driving.
  • Gender preference confusion counseling.
  • Drug or alcohol rehabilitation.
  • Pornography addiction counseling. 
  • Disability income.
  • Unemployment re-training.
  • Bankruptcy.

Again, a public graduation ceremony is hardly the time or place to state the inevitability of such painful life issues lurking on the horizon for a large proportion of any population.  I suppose the thing that jumped out is the gross degree of naivety that reveals itself when our kids emerge from the protected enviroment and comfort of middle-class, suburban, family supported life.  They are of course setting their best foot forward with the best of intentions as we would hope they would do.

And having the realities of life served up to us is not necessarily a bad thing.  If dealt with, endured, and overcome, they can be the best thing ever to happen to us.  In fact, they would make us better doctors, lawyers, police, engineers, pharmacists, and business leaders.  I suppose I was sensing the overlooked fact that formal education is not the only thing of importance to becoming successful and influential in life.  And that we easily and simply get what we desire the way we expect it.

Life will show up for our grad and all others.  It may in fact, show up bearing the gift of their own ass.  Neatly packaged in a painful life circumstance that may feel like failure, like being robbed, ripped off, had the rug pulled out from under us.

I in fact, would trust someone far more who endured and survived a painful life circumstance than I would someone who hadn’t.  A year of pain will teach us far more than a lifetime of comfort.

Ciao.

Chaz

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And acceptance is NOT the answer to all my problems today.

June 15, 2010

I am going to take a position here.  I so often hear the above quote (pre-modification) taken to what I feel is an extreme.  I don’t know, nor will any of us know, the full context of what the author meant and felt when he wrote this. 

For me, acceptance is NOT the answer to all of my problems today.  Acceptance is, however, extremely helpful in most situations and helps me remain sane and functioning so I can find the answers.  But acceptance is not my source.  I do not place my reliance on acceptance.  Acceptance is not God and page 449 (or 417 of the newer edition) of the big book is not holy text.

This quote is merely the experience and observation of just another fellow journeyor on the pathway of recovery.  Most certainly, it is a valuable one and worthy of sharing.  And certainly has tremendous practical application to us alcoholics given the way we broadly tend to try to control circumstances in our lives.

To me, acceptance is but a principle that God has shown me.  God is the answer to all of my problems today.  I need to connect with him more than I need to connect with acceptance.   God will use what he chooses to get me through what I need to get through.  In some cases, it may include acceptance.  In other cases, it may mean taking a stand and not accepting what is happening.

I will not accept mistreatment of my wife or kids.  Nor will I accept being tempted by drugs, alcohol, infidelity, or untruthfulness.

Perhaps these were not the intents of the author.  We will never know.  But for me, I can’t quite give this simple wise quote the deification I often hear others giving it. 

Ciao.

Chaz