My wife is challenged by her body image. It is driving me nuts.
I am a recovering alcoholic with a few years sober. I have done a lot of work dealing with my issues. So I know solutions are out there for seemingly hopeless states of mind. I am living proof to myself.
My wife is slender. Yet has body image issues. Let me say it a different way…. I am at a loss for how to understand and support her in this problem. I am finding it wearing and frankly, painful.
The constant comparisons and negativity really puts a damper on our relationship. The constant statements of ridiculous, inaccurate ‘absolutes’…. such as…
- I cannot get into shape.
- Nothing I do makes a difference.
- I am fat.
- Men have it so easy.
- I should just get liposuction.
My wife works out regularly and is a tall, attractive size 4-6 depending on cut. So none of these statements are accurate. Not even close.
The 12-step program that I live teaches me to surrender. So this situation remains in a surrendered state. I also know that I did not cause it, can’t control it, can’t cure it. I am weakening. Frankly, I am tired of hearing the statements that to me, contain a strong thread of self-pity. There are many underlying factors to these statements, but the one I hear the most loudly is self-pity. Many women will kill for a body like my wife’s and here she is wallowing. That’s how it sounds.
My wife has been to a special counselor for eating disorders…. but didn’t continue. She read one book…. said it was good, but does not maintain her recovering thinking and won’t pick up another one.
I have shown her blogs that she can read on a regular basis, but she does not follow through.
In my mind, she would prefer to live in the pain of her misconceptions. Or fear or something else is keeping her there. She does not seem to even want anything different. She reminds me of an alcoholic who would rather live with the pain of his drinking and thinking than even consider that there may be something different.
I do not want to nag her. Nagging never helped me get sober. I have put many things in front of her but she does not seem the have the willingness to pick them up. She seems to prefer to stay stuck then complain about her body to me. Her husband. Who finds her attractive.
This is really tough. Any suggestions?