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A good cry? Guys? Really?

June 18, 2009

No, I am not getting in touch with my feminine side.

man cryingI really do not know how to say this other than to just say it.  I have discovered… well tripped across it really… that women have known and practiced something that can be useful to us guys too.

I discovered a few years ago that while missing my kids, that hearing certain songs, or better yet, watching certain videos on youtube would drive me to tears.  In the privacy of my car or home of course.

One in particular when I feel knotted up, missing my kids, is “There Goes My Life”, by the poet of country music, Kenny Chesney.  Dad’s, this’ll do ya in.  Especially if you have daughters.

No, this is not a typical country song.  In fact, Kenny and others have brought country music to a relevance of today’s world.

Today, I am anticipating Father’s day on Sunday.  Unfortunately, this year, our fathers day plans are complicated by activities my kids are in.  I will see them but will not be able to do our usual Fathers Day Par 3 round of golf that I have done with my kids for past few years.  It has been special and I had my heart set on it.

While I am being cautious to not self-pity over the matter, I do feel some sadness and hurt.  It has been on my mind and heart for a few days.  I have felt quite jammed up in the pain… I just plain miss them.  So what did I do?  I watched my buddy Kenny’s vid of ‘There Goes my Life’ … a powerful song about a father and his relationship with is daughter.

Sure enough, in the privacy of my own home, I end up a sobbing mess.  BUT… and this is what women I know practice all the time…. the emotional knot unwound immediately and I felt better.  It is amazing.

For those who dare…. guys, if you got the nards…check out Kenny at  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MIJShOqh8Q

Happy fathers day.

Ciao.

Chaz

Kenny Chesney

Kenny Chesney

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8 comments

  1. Hope you had a good Father’s Day! (and stayed away from the country music!)


  2. Blu… Thanks…. it was an awesome fathers day.

    And on the contrary…. my daughter specifically thanked me today for introducing her to country music.

    She used to bug me about it… until she discovered the power of some contemporary country artists…. I am not talking about the twangy stuff…. I mean the powerful, brilliant stuff… Like Kenny, Brad, Big & Rich, Dierks Bently.

    Songs about life as it is for so many of us. Lyrics we understand. Stories we relate to. Not just heartbreak and honky-tonk drinkin’.

    Watch the vid I posted and you may understand.

    Hope you had a good one too! Always good to hear from you.

    Ciao.

    Chaz


  3. I hope you had a great day 🙂


  4. I did thanks Lores.

    A new bridge in our area cuts my travel time in less than half to see my kids so was first time I was able to use it was Fathers day.

    Thanks.

    Chaz


  5. Chaz, I’d pay good money to be able to turn on the tears. The one or two times I’ve been able to sob in recent years, I felt like a new man because of it. But as you know, it doesn’t come easy for us guys, which is probably a good thing. Can you imagine a world full of crying men? 😉

    I hope you were able to hook up with the kids on Father’s Day, or the days following. I was out of town with my teen daughters, so they had nowhere to hide!


  6. Teev…. yah, ya know, I can relate to having a hard time crying.

    Maybe that is why the sentimental video catalyst was post-worthy.

    Like you, I do not cry easily or often. But man, when I do, it is an amazing remedy. Women have been keeping this to themselves for far too long.

    I think at a very fundamental level, we guys are conditioned not to so we just don’t know how to.

    We certainly don’t need a world full of crying men. Yet, I think if we conditioned ourselves to let our emotions process in this way, we may find it an effective alternative to drinking, fighting, over-working, carousing, and other unhealthy expressions of inner pain.

    Like you said, you feel like a new man after a good sob. But how does one start and have a really honest cry when everything in our programming says this isn’t for us?

    Well…. try the video I posted. You have daughters…. it may just do ya in.

    Failing that…. try “Who You’d be Today”, also by Kenny Chesney. It is a song and vid about missing someone who died.

    Ciao.

    Chaz


  7. OOOH, you know Chaz, I think I fell in love with you! What a guy! You children are so fortunate! Very nice to hear a man be in touch with his “feeling” side- the emotional side!
    I gotta read the rest of your posts…
    ~Recovery Coach


  8. Hey Coach…. send Kenny a note of thanks too.

    Ya know… the “getting in touch with feelings” thing is just learning to be real.

    Anger, resentment, depression, “toughness”, are all mainly reactions to feelings that are unproductive and diversionary. They never address anything. They prolong the pain and problem.

    We guys don’t know how to have an honest cry. It is too shameful in many cases and/or we have never learned how.

    Many of us at one point or another have done the BS public cry. But that is all part of the self-deception that we have lived in. It may have been a forced performance whether we knew it or not. We may had done our best but just didnt know how to be authentic in this.

    See my buddy “TV Explorer”s comments above. We just arent able to let it happen often.

    A good PRIVATE sob is amazing. No mixed agenda. Just let it happen and let the knot unwind. The pain of the moment passes.

    So ya…. this is valuable stuff. No wonder women are ok to let it fly. The therapeutic value is amazing.

    Ciao.

    Chaz



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