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At the crossroad yet again

January 11, 2009

 

So here I am yet again.  At another crossroad…. at a Y in the road.  Needing to make a decision

 

y-in-the-road1

 

It is not simple to recognize these Ys in my road when the road I refer to is the roadway of my thinking.  Yet I am now at least aware that I am at a Y, and that I do have a choice which way I go.

 

I have not heard back from my daughter in over a week.  I sent her some dates I was available to take her for dinner.  No big deal, just a Dad and Daughter get-together as we often have done in the past.

 

The simple facts are:

  • I have not heard back. 
  • I am hurt.
  • I feel she is being rude and inconsiderate. 
  • I miss her a great deal.

 

Now, the Y I face is that my old thinking wants to take these facts and go one way.  My old habitual thinking wants to make more of it than it is.  My old thinking wants me to feel sorry for myself that such a thing should happen to a “super-dad” like me.  My old thinking wants to blame my ex-wife for being such a b!tch and teaching my daughter to ignore people.

 

The other direction is my new thinking.  My new thinking is that this is just typical teenage behaviour, that she is probably hugely busy getting back to school after new years, that many people have it way worse than I do, and that I have had many, many wonderful years and times with my daughter and this one hurtful variance will not erase all of those and those likely to come in the future.  And that the current hurt of missing her will pass.

 

Yet, there are huge magnets just around the corner of each branch of the road.  Both sides are calling me to choose them.  Both sides of the Y in the road want me to travel their way to their destination.

 

Experience tells me that if I follow the road of old thinking, I will feel a lot of painful self-pity and anger.  But it will be easier to get started on this pathway.  It feels automatic.

 

If I follow the new way, it will take more patience and effort to get started.  But the destination is far better.  Wonderful in fact.

 

I never used to recognize these crossroads of decision.  I never recognized that I had a choice.  I just automatically followed what I always did… self pity, blame, anger, resentment…. which all turned the pain into long-term suffering.  I rehearsed and practiced this way of thinking so long, it became automatic.

 

I’m sticking to the new path the best I can today.  It is wonderful.  I can remain productive.  I went to work today and got things done.  Instead of moping around.  I am on my way to celebrate a year of sobriety for a newcomer to sobriety.  Instead of getting caught up in self-pity.

 

These crossroads exist in so many areas of my life.  The power to choose which way to go is a new-found freedom.

 

Ciao.

 

Chaz

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4 comments

  1. I really enjoyed this post.

    I always remember the words of a lyricist who once said something along the lines of ‘its so easy to laugh its so easy to hate, it take strength to be gentle and kind’

    The easiest route is usually the one where you strike out and regret it later. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face like this so many times in the past.

    Power to you!


  2. Thanks Lores. My posts are usually just me trying to put into words the experiences I am going through so I can recognize the lessons in them.

    Would hate to keep making the same mistakes again and again and never learn all we can from them. Eh?


  3. What’s up Caz, enjoyed the post. We do have a choice, everyday all choices. At times it’s tough to make the right or healthy choice, but as you say so eloquently, we have to practice what’s healthy and uncomfortable.

    After a few times and we experience the results it’s easier to make the healthy choice again.

    Thanks Bro…Peace.


  4. Ok… so here is the epilogue to the story about my daughter. She was simply out of town on sports tournament.

    She apologized for not getting back to me sooner. We had dinner tonight. A fabulous little time. We talked and talked.

    Had I chosen the pathway of old thinking and self-pity, it would have been a complete waste of energy.

    So just one more experience that helps build the new pathway of thinking into the eventual “road more travelled”.

    Ciao.

    Chaz



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