Sober, serene Christmas

December 25, 2008

I don’t miss the anxious Christmases full of expecatations. I think expectations made Christmases in the past unbearable.

What gifts will I get? Will the ones I gave be well-received? Will the family get along? Not to mention the secret strategies to get drunk while seemingly nobody noticed. Spiking my own coffee with vodka. Or sneaking to the den to take a big swig of the hidden bottle. Then there were the hangovers.

Or the drug Christmases. Where I went for the dinners and bolted asap to go hook up and use. Or cashed in the Christmas gift certificates for drug money. That was complicated. That was anxiety-provoking. That was hopeless.

Today, Chirstmas is serene. We did the Chirstmas morning gift frenzy with my step kids. They were pleased. My wife loved the things I gave her. She is awesome. Someone who can express genuine happiness. Nothing false or pretentious about her.

Kids are playing their new video game while I take a second to do a quick post. Then off to kitchen to make some eggs benny. We are experiencing a significantly white Christmas. The deepest snow at Christmas in over 40 years.

This is all it takes to be happy these days. The simple things in life I used to take for granted. Today I am not depressed. Not anxious. This is a huge victory. I am not boasting on my situation. I am boasting on my program of recovery and what it has given me.

My best thinking only ever got me drunk, high, depressed, anxious and thinking of suicide. My program of recovery got me serenity and the ability to enjoy a moment without a crowded train station of thoughts and noises in my head.

I hope I can share some of this with my fellow journeyors.

Ciao and Merry Christmas. Chaz



  1. Good for you! I’m glad you had a good Christmas, and I’m really jealous of that snow!

    You are a light of hope for many people. 🙂

  2. Sounds like a great Christmas. Good to see you updating this site….I’ve had it bookmarked for ages since you posted the link.

  3. Band…. thanks. Will stay connected and hope your having a good one too. Ciao. Chaz

  4. Invisibella…. glad to hear the site is meaningful. Had a couple of things on the go that sidetracked me after I orginally posted. Now back on track with it. Connecting with lots of great people on the journey.

    Will keep the posts as fresh as possible. See ya on the blogs! Happy NY.

    Ciao. Chaz

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