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Life in my head.

December 16, 2008

My ex-wife once said to me toward the end of our marriage, “You live in your head”. At that time, I could only scarcely understand what she was talking about.

Shortly after my marriage fell apart, I attended a self-help retreat where a facilitator told me I should “get out of my head and into my heart”. Again, I had very little sense of what he meant. As life continued to unfold, this message was spoken to me again and again from different and unlikely sources.

In my experience, if something is repeated to us from multiple sources, it is worth looking seriously into. Through my program of recovery, I eventually met a lot of people who once lived inside their head but now lived in the flow of real life. What this simply means is that when we live in our heads, we look at life as what we expect it to be or wish it to be, rather than accepting what it really is.

Political commentator, Rush Limbaugh, wrote a best-selling book in the 1990’s titled, “The Way Things Ought To Be”. I find it curious that he eventually ended up addicted to a prescription medication. I find this title very telling of how I used to live life. I was in such inner turmoil (un-serene) because life and people were not “the way they ought to be”. And as a sign of protest, I was going to remain miserable and discontent until they were.

This was not a concscious decision. Somehow though, I practiced this pattern of thinking to the same impractical and unmanagable end as Rush Limbaugh…. addiction.

A few years ago, I finally learned the word “acceptance”. To me this means simply “participating in life as it is, instead of it expecting it to be something else”. This applies to acceptance of people too. The reward of this new outlook is the most amazing peace inside. I am no longer the controller and equalizer of the universe!

I spend far less time inside my head in the wishful world of “how things ought to be”. Newsflash… things are not as they “ought to be” and probably never will be! And throughout history, never have been. Accepting this fact and living through the imperfections of life rather than in conflict with them is so, so, soooooo much more peaceful and content…. and serene. I’m likin’ it. For me, it is a far better way to live.

Ciao. Chaz

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