Yup… had ‘em. Still recovering. But recovering I am!
You know how if you have a throbbing headache or some other pain, and the pain subsides by even 10%, what a great feeling it is? That describes my experience with financial stress and financial problems. Relief started with maybe 2% to 5% improvement and is now well over 50%. My stress relief over the issues is at 90% improvement!
Divorce is expensive. Hugely. Addiction is also expensive. Yet, as soon as we but the brakes on our using or drinking, and start to genuinely recover, we can begin to recover in from our stress over finances too.
For men, money and career are often a huge part of our identity. We often set unrealistic expectations about ourselves in these respects and have unhealthy pride on matters of money and careers. Been there, done that. Frankly, having inner peace, serenity, and honesty are worth far more than big money or prestigious careers. And to be even more frank, peace, serenity, and honesty with ones own self, to me, are fundamental to rebuilding financially.
I am not for a moment suggesting that we have to settle for barely getting by financially. I am simply saying that once we gain enough healing and real perspective of who we are, we can put money and career in their proper perspectives. The peace that this brings then frees us up to rebuild on a much healthier basis.
I changed careers after more than a dozen years in a profession I loved and had anticipated making it my life’s work. I did not see that during my drinking and drugging, that career and my thoughts around it were helping kill me. I spent way too much time alone and in my head.
So I made the bold move to do some training and make a lateral move to another field. Related but different to what I had done for so many years. It was a growing, stretching trying time for me for many months. Then, boom, a fabulous first year that allowed me to get my financial house in order.
Today, my financial house is in order. My bills are up to date and any remaining debt is under control at below-prime interest rate. I have many friends and fellow journeyers in programs of recovery who have similar stories. Some had to declare bankruptcy. Some had to take other big steps and make other huge changes. But we all arrived at new and wonderful places financially. Most of all, we have serenity and peace about money and careers.
I came to understand that the most important factor in making sure my finances and career were ok was to make sure that first I was ok. When I am ok, it is not long before opportunities and blessings begin to come my way. It is that way for all of us on this journey.