It isnt really my place to make any recommendations to anyone. I am just a fellow journeyor sharing what has worked for me.

I would, however, in your shoes seek out some tangible help if you havent already. I would imagine you have spoken to your family Doctor about your depression? There are many, many treatment approaches available.

For me, Coginitive Behaviour Therapy made a big difference. It was a big part of my reprieve from emotional paralysis. It exposed a lot of painful thought patterns that would lead me to untruthful conclusions that were all negative. I bought into many lies in my own head. CBT helped me untangle many of the lies.

If you have been traumatized, Rapid Eye Movement Therapy (EMDR) is also something I know of people having good results with.

And am sure there are many, many more. But I would always follow a physician’s guidance. I would not leave it to a tv Doctor who doesnt know me personally.

Hopefully this is some help.

Ciao.

Chaz

Thanks for listening,

Heidi

Advice? Well…. I am cautious on this as I do not really know people that well who I meet through blogs and nor am I a professional.

I am however happy to say what worked for me. But ahead of that, let me start by saying my heart goes out to you. I am familiar with the bewilderment that can happen when we discover such news as you did. And the projections our minds and imaginations can make such as you mention…. having the feeling he is cheating with many people you know.

I had plenty of irrational thoughts after my discovery. And they haunted me for a long time and in many bizarre ways that few understood. If we consider the “trauma” aspect of what we went through, of course we are essentially in an emotional concussion. We are not thinkng straight and not ourselves. For me, I felt warped out of my natural and familiar shape… figuratively speaking. I felt damaged, like a ship after being hit by a torpedo. Not sunk, but crippled. Still afloat and able to sail, but slower and less effectively. And taking on water that I had to pour energy into pumping out in order to stay afloat.

So in what I have said, if you can relate at all, perhaps you can find some solice in the fact that I found great reprieve and recovery that included a number of ingredients. In no particular order:

Community: I did my best to stay in good company. Healhty people who were functioning better than I was. This included reliable family and friends, 12 step support groups, self-improvement groups, and church. We naturally absorb and aspire to our environment. We become like what we are immersed in. So I did my best to immerse myself among people who were healthier than me.

Reading: I did my best to keep my mind occupied. I have the type of mind that does not do well alone or un-engaged. I even changed jobs so I didnt spend so much time alone with my thoughts as I did previously.

Forgiveness: I made it my mission to find forgiveness. Not to receive it, but rather to give it. I didnt know what it even looked like at the outset but I was determined to get there one day. And gradually, I made progress toward forgiveness.

Refuse to self-pity: Declare war on self-pity. It is the most destrurctive thought process I know. When I finally discovered that my pain had been so incredibly amplified and multiplied by my own self pity, life finally began to change rapidly. It has been about 6 years since I first had a breakthrough in this area and life has improved so incredibly much since I began to let go of self-pity.

So all I can say is these were some critical keys for me. I hope they are helpful to you.

Ciao.

Chaz

I dont know how to help you specifically. I hope there are some tangible people you can contact. Understanding of course that blog communities are no substitute for real people.

I will check back to this post to see if you reply. Will believe the best for you and help if I can.

Regards,

Chaz

Echoing the thanks.
Gemeda

http://www.indi101.com/