I don’t golf against Tiger Woods, and I don’t play one-on-one hoops against Kobe Bryant. Why? Because they would be “Losers Games”.
I would have no chance of even coming close. It would be a waste of my time as far as the competition goes.
I look at other life circumstances the same way…. including but not limited to:
- Flirting with women other than my wife
- Arguing with closed minded people
Now have never had a gambling problem, but I will use a quote from the biography of famed gambling mobster, Meyer Lansky. In the book, his personal doctor was quoted as having asked Meyer Lansky how best to make money at the casino. To which Meyer replied, “Don’t go in”. The odds are always stacked in favour of the house.
So I seek to win Loser’s Games by simply not showing up.
I have proven to myself beyond the shadow of a doubt, that if I drink or drug, I will not be able to stop. So I simply don’t start. Instead I pour my energy in to other positive things in my life and life turns out amazingly well. I don’t even spend time reminiscing to any great degree about drugs or booze. Now I will give certain accounts of what happened where it is in the context of relating to someone or giving an example of how life has turned around. But I do not spend any time recollecting the “good old days” of drinking and drugging.
I also avoid resenting because that to is a Loser’s Game.
Not to say I don’t ever resent. Just that when I find myself resenting, I redirect to a healthier path as quick as possible and then get help with my resentful attitude by talking to someone who understands where I am at. Such as my AA sponsor or fellow recoveror. Or…. the person I am resenting! That one is the boldest step but often the best.
In a similar way, I do not flirt with women…. other than my wife. Now some may say that we are “Married, not buried”. I disagree. It is not that we will never notice and attractive woman or enjoy their company. But lets be really honest, what ulterior motive do we ultimately have when we chat up someone of the opposite sex or play little verbal games with them?
Now we all have our own line of what is appropriate and what isn’t. I have mine. I simply feel that if I direct my focus and energy of my need for female interaction to my wife, that I can continually grow and develop my attraction toward her and my relationship with her.
I am also coming from a biased standpoint of someone whose wife ran off with someone who she began “innocently” flirting with while they were both still married. And now they are married… to each other. Lets not be naive here. As much fun as it may be, flirting is where it starts.
Avoiding flirting does not mean avoiding talking, joking, laughing, and interacting on friendship and collegial levels. Avoiding flirting means stopping at that line that your inner voice tells you is the threshold into the danger zone. And if you don’t know an inner voice like that, I suggest getting some help. Cause chances are your spouse or partner is left wondering about you.
And last but certainly not least, I do not engage arguments anymore with people who simply like to argue. Or people who have already made up their mind about what they believe before the discussion starts. There is much wisdom in “avoiding foolish debates”, I believe is how it is described. It is useless, and pointless and frankly a waste of time that could be spent doing something positive in our lives.
I see people posting anti-AA and anti 12-Step posts within AA and 12 Step tags. They are free to do this but I have no interest in them. The times I have read them, they are just packaged ignorance from people who have not walked the journey of destruction and recovery that many of us have. I no longer click their posts. I no longer argue or debate. In my experience, largely “Religious” people who don’t seem to be able to handle the fact that others believe differently from themselves.
Rather than understand where others come from, they appear to simply wish to tell us what we should believe and think in spite of our experiences and conditioning.
As someone who has read the Bible and believes that Jesus Christ is who he said he was, I do not see any connection to how they behave and how Jesus behaved. If anything, I notice a similarity to how they come across and how the Pharisees in the Bible came across.
Jesus reached people where they were at and related to people where they were at. The only people he strenuously opposed were the narrow-minded, self-righteous religious leaders of the day.
I would be surprised if these people posting these warnings about AA have won a single person to their cause. To them I would say that “nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care”. And also point out that the Bible describes crowds of people seeking out what Jesus had to say. People were simply attraced to him and maybe there is something to be learned by this example.