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Please visit me at my new blog

December 14, 2011

Hello everyone!

Thank you for your continued and overwhelming support of my blog!  Hundreds of hits continue weekly.

While I have kept this blog live, it is no longer active.  I have changed my emphasis and commenced a new blog at http://OneDirectionForward.wordpress.com

Please visit me there.

I do check my YuppieAddict blog from time to time but am slow in replying.

Thank you again for your ongoing interest.

Ciao.

Chaz

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New Chapter, new year, new blog

January 5, 2011

Well friends, I’m starting a new blog.

This one will not shut down, I am just refocusing, and I felt a fresh start was in order.  Comments will be replied to.

Please feel welcome to drop by at http://onedirectionforward.wordpress.com/

The new blog is still developing and I am not sure all of where I am going to take it.  A few things have come to light for me:

 

1. Drug and alcohol recovery is no longer my central focus. 

I can never lose sight of the fact that my alcoholism and addiction must continually be kept in realistic perspective and high priority in my life.  I continue to work the 12 steps and remain a sober member of AA.  I think my recent post about the limiting effect I have experienced in my local AA community really sums up how I am feeling.  I want so much more than what this 12 step community in my area focuses on. 

I want to continue to grow other important aspects of my life including marriage, parenting, career, management of finances, fitness, emotional health, and my spiritual pursuits of God as I understand him, specifically Jesus Christ.  Not a light switch, not “The Fellowship”, and not some nebulous, unidentified, self-designed-to-suit-me “Higher Power”.  I need to be honest with and true to what I believe.

 

2. My heart is for families and to help other men and women who have survived calamity.

This is where I feel my new focus needs to be.  My heart aches and breaks when I hear about yet another divorce, and another family ripped apart because our culture of selfishness has suggested it is OK to do so.  While I am not convinced all marriages can or will hold together, I believe what Dr. Phil states so plainly, “most people are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn’t get a divorce until you’ve turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible”.

Speaking as a man for just a moment…. men, we need to get it together.  We need to raise the bar and take our part of the responsibility for our lives, our marriages, and our families.  If calamity has struck us such as divorce, addiction, financial failure, health issues, depression, or what have you, we are not defeated.   Our spouses need husbands, our kids need dads.  A champion is simply someone who gets up again one more time than he gets knocked down.

My heart is to create a resource for those of us who have been knocked down, and don’t know if they can get back up.  We can people!  Men and Women alike!  We can! 

Our children will benefit, our communities will benefit, and our nations will benefit.  And I do not wish to sound selfish, but at the centre of it all, we will benefit.

 

3. I feel more compelled to comment than post.

While I love posting and am grateful for the lively dialogue you have all contributed to my blog, I find my posting is somewhat sparse based on my time availability.  At this stage, I feel far more compelled to read your thoughts on your blogs and reflect back with comments.  I will likely continue posting on the new blog, but for now, my greater focus will be comments and replies.

I have linked all of you who have frequented my blog and you will most certainly be hearing from my by way of post comments.  I will continue to tag to “twelve steps” so I will be in the neighbourhood.

I have few specific plans for my new blog, but who knows, I may do a similar blog with similar posts under the new domain.

4.  I am no longer the YuppieAddict.  I am Husband, Dad, Son, Friend, Neighbour, Servant.

My choice of domain name was somewhat circumstantial and relevant for a time.  It does not describe how I want to be recognized.  It has been a great 2 1/2 years on this site, with over 87,000 hits and hundreds of replies.

Well friends, I am looking forward to connecting in the new chapter.  See you on your blogs.

All the very best.  And God Bless you all.

Chaz   http://onedirectionforward.wordpress.com

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Do it scared, do it hurt, do it depressed…

December 27, 2010

I am revisiting the notion of not letting fear, pain, depression, anxiety, or any other invisible inward feeling stop us from doing what we feel is the next right or wise thing to do.

For most of my life, I let unpredictable, unreliable inner feelings act as a traffic light telling me what I should or shouldn’t do next.  I was naive enough to believe those feelings and would often shy from important things in my life that needed to be done.  Important things like filing my taxes on time, opening mail, completing a home project, working out, or fulfilling a promise made to friends or family.

Instead, I often felt paralyzed by fear, depression, or anxiety.  Feeling so overwhelmed that the easiest thing to do was to procrastinate the task and escape into sleep, tv, or in the old days of active addiction and alcoholism, I would drink or drug.  None of these escapes were of any value.  I was seldom rejuvenated and the task avoided was still there.

Then one day, years ago, I was listening to some teaching on pressing through fear or other overwhelming feelings.  A simple suggestion was posed, “Why don’t you just do it scared”? 

‘It’ being the task that you would otherwise avoid or procrastinate on.  So I began to think back and ask myself, how many exams did I write in school while scared?  Pretty much every one.  Or when I was starting out my career and doing interviews, how many interviews did I do scared?  Pretty much every one.  And how many sporting events did I play scared?  Again, pretty much all of them.  So I realized I could, and often have, done many things while scared.  So why not continue in this?

How was it the first time any of us walked into a room of AA, NA, Al-Anon, OA, or any 12-step program, scared?  I would bet all of us.  Yet what did we find on the other side of that fear?  Sobriety?  Help? Hope? A new beginning after repeated failures and painful losses?  Yes, absolutely!

I believe  that  fear and other negative emotions are tactics often used by the sick/addicted part of our thinking to self-preserve the sickness or addiction.  Somehow, it is like our unrecovered self has a mind and agenda of its own, and it wants to continue to live and grow.  So it suggests to us that we should remain immobile and avoid certain tasks.  Often, the very tasks that will give us the most growth, recovery, and victory in the shortest period of time.

I post this because I find myself in a bit of a post-Christmas funk.  My mood has been heavy for a few days since Christmas and some things are bothering me.  I am home early from work and I have some financial matters that really need attending to.  And at this moment, my mind is doing everything to avoid these matters.

So my determination was to acknowledge and expose these feelings for what they are by sharing them on my blog, then press past the anxious feelings and just do them.  Which is the next and only thing on my list of things to do tonight. 

If re-living feelings of fear and anxiousness similar to those I felt at many important moments in my life is the worst it can be, then I know I can handle it.  I just need to keep it simple, shut the brain off, turn the body on, and do it.  Scared, anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, or whatever.  It is do-able, even if I am not comfortable.

Ciao.

Chaz

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Grateful for a sober, recovering Christmas. Wishing you one too.

December 24, 2010

I am so grateful to be spending Christmas in a functioning state this year.  In fact, each Christmas since I got sober has been wonderful.  Not meaning perfect, but I have learned to find the wonder and value in virtually all circumstances.

Christmas has been unfolding positively.  Will be seeing various branches of our families throughout the season.  Anxiety has finally quelled enough for me to be able to enjoy the simple things in life.  Like a non-lavish Christmas.

Although I recognize that many do not celebrate Christmas as recognition of the birth of Jesus Christ, I am glad that this day that started as a Christian holiday could become something so positive to so many people.  Sometimes we Christians lose the positiveness of Christmas in our insistence that Jesus birth should have remained forefront.  Well it seems it didn’t.  Not at the moment anyway.

But having gone off track from the original intent, it really isn’t a terrible tangent we have taken.  This really came to heart and mind as I left work today for a few days off for the Chirstmas season.  I found myself sharing hugs and sincere wishes for a great Christmas to people I would normally not have this type of warm interaction with.  Some of whom I barely know.

For a moment, an instant, I shared in warm and happy moments with people with whom I normally only talk work with.  How can that be bad?  I don’t know all the reasons why Christmas has ceased to be a celebration of the birth of Christ.  But somehow, I think God can handle it.

Ya, the commercialism and overspending are negatives.  But who said any of us have to participate in all of that?  Why can’t we focus on the fact that this is a time of year that many, if not most, people in our society are happier, warmer, friendlier.  The cup (of egg nog minus the rum) is half full my friends.  Drink of it and be happy!

Merry Christmas to all!

Chaz

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Limited by the 12 steps

December 16, 2010

It is often my experience that AA can be limiting.  AA was how I got sober.  The practice of the 12 steps also helped me order my thinking in ways that made me less anxious, depressed, and irritable.  Beyond that though, I have found most of my help in personal growth outside of AA.

Yet many people in AA discourage or minimize other approaches to personal growth, claiming that “The Program is all we need”.  I disagree.

The only contribution AA formally makes to any issue other than our alcoholism is the suggestion in step 12, “we tried to practice these principle in all of our affairs”.  This is fine, but for me and what I want from life, it is insufficient.  I want more than just sobriety.  And I am glad that AA recognizes its own finite scope.

We are free to, and it is suggested, that we strive for better things in all of our affairs.  But this is where AA must leave off.  AA history shows that any time AA tried to be more to people than a way to get sober, it failed.  This is not because AA does not care or wish for better things for us, it just appears that there is a limit to which the scope AA can be effective.

Where I find AA limiting is when members profess that AA is all we need.  Or that all roads lead to AA.  Sorry friends, I don’t see it that way.  In fact, by and large, AA’s I have known as a group do not have a very high standard for themselves when it comes to matters like relationships, health, fitness, and career development. 

How is it that so many of us are snatched from the jaws of death of alcoholism, only to continue in other jaws of death like toxic, abusive or non-functioning relationships, poor eating habits, obesity, under-employment, financial irresponsibility, lousy parenting, and the biggest mystery of all to me… SMOKING. 

I know so, so, soooo many AA members whose lives are disasters in these ways.  Yet they profess the great power of their program and “higher power”.  For me, AA was a life-preserver that God used to help save me from alcoholic destruction so that I could continue living long enough to find other solutions for growth and recovery in addition to my recovery from alcoholism.

In my experience, the AA bar is fairly low.  Divorce is as rampant in AA as anywhere else.  I am constantly hearing stories of conflict, painful breakups, problems with parenting, and unexpected pregnancies.  Standards of health and fitness are probably worse than the average sampling of people.  I am in the minority as a non-smoker. 

I know these are not official AA positions.  I guess my point is that if AA is the only process of growth in a person’s life, then one shouldn’t expect much beyond getting sober and a little more sane.

For me, I have a hard time imagining that God threw me a lifeline just for me to jump back into a different sea of destruction.  I want a lot in my life.  I want a great marriage, great relationships with my kids and family, great health, great fitness, financial prosperity, and to be a resource to anyone whose path I cross. 

To accomplish these things, I need a lot more than just AA.

Ciao.

Chaz

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‘I’ve tried everything’

December 9, 2010

How many times in life do we feel or say, “I’ve tried everything”? 

Have we though?  Or is this the voice of our internal dialogue once again telling us things that are not true?  The following is a story from a fitness program I work with, but has great application in any area of life including recovery, business, marriage, relationships, schooling…

Motivational speaker and author Anthony Robbins once told the story of a man at a seminar who was extremely frustrated with his lack of results in marketing his company. The befuddled businessman said that he had tried everything but nothing worked. Here is the exchange that went on between the two of them:

Robbins: “You’ve tried EVERYTHING???”
Attendee: “Yes, I’ve tried absolutely everything!”

Robbins: “Tell me the last HUNDRED things you tried,”
Attendee: ” I haven’t tried a hundred things.”

Robbins: “OK, then just tell me the last FIFTY things you tried.”
Attendee: “I haven’t tried fifty things.”

Robbins: “Alright then tell me the last DOZEN things you tried.”
Attendee: (getting somewhat embarrassed) “Well, I haven’t tried a dozen things.”

Robbins: “I thought you said you tried EVERYTHING! So tell me then, how many things have you tried?”
Attendee: (Shrinking back into his seat), “Two or three.”

Obviously the man got the message loud and clear (Hopefully you did too).

Why do we fall for this?  Is our subconscious panicking?  Are we unknowingly looking for an excuse to quit or rationalize failure?  Are we lazy?  Are we simply lost in self-deception?

I have fallen into this trap.  For this very reason, I seek out outside voices, both written and spoken, to challenge my inaccurate internal dialogue.

Ciao.

Chaz

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Whats with pride?

December 6, 2010

Pride gets a bad wrap in the world of alcoholism and recovery.  Pride, it is said, goes before a fall.  Websters defines pride as…

-noun

1. a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

So what is this insidious thing we call pride?  Thinking of ourselves more highly than we ought to?  Doesn’t sound too safe or appealing.  Not a quality others are likely to find attractive. 

So is pride simply error?  Is it a misconception?  An inaccuracy?  Most of us alcoholics allowed pride to keep ourselves locked into destructive ways of thinking and living.  Mainly SELF-destructive.

Where does pride come from?  Fear?  Ignorance?  Both?

And how do we arrive at a healthy form of pride?  Pride that stops us from acting immorally, inappropriately.

A strange thing this pride.  Such a double-edged sword that we use to protect and defend, while at the same time, to commit murder and suicide.

Ciao.

Chaz

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